Car of the Day

A few days ago The Truth About Cars posted the question to its readers of “Does the American muscle car have a future?”  

Here’s my response to that question. (For best results this should be read with a redneck accent.)

Whoooweee! Man, what’chu talkin‘ ‘bout? Does the American muscle car have future?  Dang me. Who knows?  I can tell you what though.  The American muscle car has got itself one heck of a “right now”. 

The boys in Dee-troit, might be screwing up their bidnesses, but they got mo’ power now than ever before. And speaking of mo’ power let’s start with the boys at over at Dodge and Plymouth.

Well crapmuffins! I done forgotted that they already runned Plymouth in the ground.   Maybe, if they had called it Prettymouth, they’d still be making cars, but I de-gress.

Anyhows, Mopar is still alive and hunt’n with their SRT fellers.  They got themselves a 420hp Jeep with 4 wheel drive.  There’s the SRT-8 sedans, the 300c and Charger both with 425hp fire-eating 6.1 liter Hemis!  And everyone knows that Jesus drives a Hemi. 

And of course there is the mother of all Chrysler powered SRT vehicles…..(while angels sing and a spotlight shines down on this car)….. the rebirth of the General Lee!  I know the first General was a Charger, but the new one has got too many doors to weld shut.  The Dodge Challenger SRT-8 gits it right.  I’ll take mine with the big hemi, orange paint job, and the stars and bars on the roof.  Oh, fartknobbers, I almost forgot, they still got that V10 515hp Viper.  It’s got a little git-up in its get-along. That ‘bout covers the mopar guys.  You might call them the .8 of the big 3, but when it comes to horsepower, they’re bringing the whole stable.

Ford may not have the variety of high horsepower vehicles, but the ones they do have make a pretty whine.  I’m talking ‘bout the whine from the superchargers on that hot rod Mustang and that Ferrari  eating GT.  I’m mean what’s so great about Ferraris or even Italy for that matter?

And speaking of Italy and all things foreign, you ever notice how much car magazines love the Japanese, German and Italian cars?  I find it a mighty bit suspicious, that those are the same countries my Granddaddy fought in WWII.  Is it just me or is the third Reich trying to invade us with superior automotive technology.  The only good Nazi is a dead Nazi!  Well, chitlin stew, I done veered off topic like my drunk granny on the John Deere. 

Chevy, yep, them some good Americans over there.  A great American muscle car is alive and kicking with a future so bright, it just might graduate from community college.  (and it don’t git no better than that where I come from)  I’m talking ‘bout the shiny new Camaro.  The cars at Chevy benefit from being related to Corvette and it has historically been a simple engine swap to get Corvette power in another car.  (See the Firebirds, Camaros, GTOs, Chevelles and Novas.) And the current king of corvettes, the Elvis Presley of American muscle is the new ZR1 with 638hp.  It’s one part V8, one part supercharger and 4 parts goes-like-stink.   As long as there’s a Corvette, there’s a power train for GM muscle cars and the completion will compete with their own muscle cars.

So, back to the question at hand, does the American muscle car have a future?  Does moonshine still need running?  Yes and heck, yes.  Chevy’s got themselves plans for the next Corvette with the top secret code name “C7”.  (you didn’t hear that secret name from me)

Yeppers, I was pondering this question, real serious like, out on the porch, and then it hit me, hit me like the kick of double-barreled 12 gauge shotgun, loaded with buck shot.  The future of the American muscle car depends on the Americans and in particular the American muscle car fan. 

We all know that Al Gore wants to kill the V8.  But he ain’t the boss of what car I buy.  And we can’t all get farm emission exemptions for our cars. We also gots to be nicer to mamma Earth and use less gas. These things sound like bad news to sports cars, kinda like learning your girlfriend is your cousin. 

This has all happened before.  Back in the early 70s when Petty was the king of NASCAR and beer was cheap, the future looked bad for the muscle car.  The muscle car even took a few years off.   At that point if you wanted muscle you went to the used car market.  And then the muscle cars started coming back as technology caught up to the laws back then.  

So worst case scenario, muscle cars go on hiatus.  But if they do, they will be back like Willie Nelson; we love them too much for them to become extinct.